5 Major Lessons From High Self Esteem
For all my teenage life I struggled to have high self esteem. It’s a bit ironic that I took up the mantle of self-improvement. After all, I’m someone who was struggling and writing about the betterment of other people. Nevertheless, through that avenue, I learned a lot about myself.
But that story is for another time.
Instead, I’d like to focus on some of the lessons that I learned from that
To give you all some context, the low self esteem that I had stemmed from my lack of confidence in a few areas of my life. I believe that confidence and high self esteem are connected and if one is hindered it can slowly affect the other. My lack of confidence was in my own figure, but also in my ability to speak to other people.
I was incredibly shy and reserved and avoided conflict as much as possible. I’ll also admit that I was quite the hypocrite and my excuses really made no sense when I think back to it now.
But I wasn’t able to realize all of that until I went through this journey and did what I did. As a result, I learned a lot about myself but also learned a lot of valuable life lessons.
I’d like to share some of those lessons with you today.
You may not be lacking confidence in the areas that I lacked, however, these lessons can apply in various situations in your life all the same. I encourage you all to take them to heart and apply them wherever you can. They can truly give you high self esteem.
Lesson #1: Things will not come to you on their own.
My depression that I experienced as a result of low self esteem occurred in two parts. The largest part was definitely when I was in middle school and it was certainly genuine.
I won’t lie, I put up a front and yet felt like utter shit and trapped.
However I had another trigger of depression around the time I started my main business on self improvement.
You could say I lacked confidence in growing a business or seeing myself as a writer. As a result, my financial situation was very tight. In fact, I didn’t have any money to support myself and had to move back home.
At the time of this post, I am still living at my parents house.
There’s certainly a lot of factors that contributed to both situations. In order to fully explain them, I have to write several posts on the subject
For now, though, know that there are some connections between those two events. The big one is this lesson: take action. In both situations, I did do some attempts at fixing the problem. That being said, I gave up after the few ideas failed.
I failed before I really put any sort of effort into the problem.
Instead I took everything with a smile, and yet made no actual effort in order to change. Things only started to change once I kicked myself in the butt to actually do something.
For the first instance, it was literally jumping into a plane and living with 10 strangers for 9 months.
For the second instance, there was more discovery. I set better goals, I made better connections and made an effort to be more productive and understand my values.
In the end these two instances can be summed up into one simple thing I did:
I took action.
The big reason that I was in this situation is that when something bad happened and I started to bash myself, I didn’t take action. I ignored and buried the problem. There was no addressing the problem.
Instead, my energy was spent on hoping that things will get better by me doing nothing and continue doing the same thing. This only left the problems unanswered and it prohibited me from gaining high self esteem.
At the end of the day our lack of confidence and low self esteem is because of something that we believe as fact about us. Furthermore we do nothing about changing that fact. Instead we justify it by ignoring or shifting the blame over to other people.
These are basic coping mechanisms that we use and to be honest they do not work. I’ve tried these,
Lesson #2: Be bold with your actions. Have a reason to be excited about them.
On the note of taking actions, I also encourage you to make those actions so bold that you get excited about them. One quote that I love is that:
“The changes you make should create more excitement within you than the worry or doubt you feel from taking that action.”
It’s for that reason why I took a 9 month program and travelled across Canada in 2009. It’s also why I started a business in 2015 and started to give it real meaning in late 2017.
The actions that I took were bold for me at the time and are things that not every person would be confident doing. Traveling across Canada or traveling a great distance and living with strangers is a big step forward. Furthermore starting a business can be
The reason I did those was a simple philosophy. I needed to put myself in a tough situation in order to change.
If I did nothing, I wouldn’t grow. If I leveraged from the situation, I’d grow from the experience and develop high self esteem, confidence, and more.
This meant putting myself in a situation where I had to do something that would assure that I’d try my best to get the most out of it.
Sometimes you need to force yourself into those situations, to throw yourself into the deep end. Sure you may be sinking or flailing about. Not to mention not everything will go as planned.
I know that 9-month trip I didn’t get the most out of it.
As for starting a business, I didn’t start caring for it until June-July 2017.
But in the end, I did bounce back due to those events. I’m feeling confident about those results and I’m sure that you can too when you apply this.
It’s like learning to walk. We do some pretty hilarious and stupid stuff when we first learned to walk. And yet we learned how to walk and are now masters at it.
All the same, it takes time for people to learn how to float and walk and so does gaining high self esteem.
In the end though as long as the actions you are taking are things that deep down you want to do, you’ll learn to deal with it. Once you do, you’ll have a solid foundation to work with and grow.
Lesson #3: Never ever diss yourself, unless you want to laugh at yourself.
They say laughter is a good cure and I believe in that. Even laughing at your own expense can give you high self esteem. It’s for this reason why I talk about the stupid shit that I did that makes no sense.
I find it funny to myself even if it makes me look bad.
It’s all in the past and I know I’m not the only one who has done something stupid. That being said, as much as I laugh at my own expense other can use that as a reason to discredit me.
“He was a hypocrite back then,” or “he has no clue what he’s talking about. He’s a moron.”
Sure the words from others can sting you, but what’s more hurtful is when they come from yourself.
I’m normally careful, but low self esteem users insult themselves for entirely different reasons. For me, I find mine funny. For others, they take the insults to heart and believe them fully.
We can’t change our own pasts, but we can choose how we react to it. When you diss yourself you bring low self esteem. You are only plunging yourself deeper into the issue and not fixing it.
Like I said, I was depressed for a long time because the action I took to solve my issue was insult myself more. I was also stuck financially because deep down I dissed my abilities and confidence to make money.
Instead of dissing yourself, learn to show appreciation for what you are doing. That will give you high self esteem in due time.
Once I showed appreciation (through affirmations), I started to become comfortable with myself. I was able to grow as an entrepreneur because I sought out help and made changes.
I stopped insulting myself entirely. Only when those things were in the past did I look back, shake my head, smile, and chuckle at how silly I was.
Lesson #4: Sharing your problems can help you understand and come to terms with them.
The reason why I write so much is that I’ve gone through a lot. Yes, the situations that I’ve gone through in life physically haven’t been all that bad. I’ve practically never been bullied nor have I been in any kind of deep trouble before.
But all of the struggles that I have faced in my life all stem from what’s been happening to me mentally. This is where I’ve thought, written and spoke some things that don’t quite make sense to me months later after I’ve aired it out.
My battle has been entirely in my mind and in a sense, it’s easier for me to share those things. All the same though, it’s important to be sharing them as it can help you a lot.
I write a lot because my journey has been a lot of mental development rather than physical development. It’s self-discovery and the only way to understand that isn’t to keep it bottled up. Instead, it should be written out and read by yourself and potentially others. Writing and publishing the work is simply my best way as I also want to help people.
Whatever medium you decide to go for, expressing yourself in some way shape or form is immense. A lot of revelations that I’ve had stemmed from the words that I’ve put to paper and also rereading the work that I put out from time to time. I believe the same thing can happen
Like a book that you read once and read again later on, our perspective change once we apply the knowledge or grow a little further. With this new perspective we may uncover more about ourselves that wasn’t there before.
Another example is films. We first watch to enjoy it and be entertained. The second time is to watch for the small details.
When you share your problems with other people they may be able to add more to it. Perhaps they’ve gone through something similar and can share what they did. Regardless, sharing other layers of ourselves with others deepens connections and we certainly need them as a way to cope and grow.
Lesson #5: Spend time understanding your values and stay true to them.
If I can sum up who I was back then I would say I was a hypocrite. There were a lot of things I wrote about and that I thought that made no sense at all. I simply wrote what was on my mind, which was an utter mess.
And yet all the same I was being authentic. I was being myself. Even if I didn’t like it, I was still true to myself in some twisted sense. And yet, who I was back then wasn’t who I am today.
Indeed we all change and grow as we go through our journey. Who we were in high school can be radically different
When I didn’t like my writing, I slowly made changes and focused on improving my writing. I changed my values to what I really want them to be. When I didn’t like my shy and reserved self, I slowly changed the values that I held as well.
Our low self esteem is connected to the things that we value in our lives. All the same, high self esteem is developed when we know those values and strive for them.
When they are things that we don’t truly value, we stray from the path. Even when we compromise those values, and even when they are achieved, it can still drag us down.
A lot of people value money and being wealthy, but most strive to LOOK that way rather than BE that way. That leads to those individuals being quite unhappy and lack high self esteem despite the seemingly lavish lifestyle they have.
So dedicate some time to understand what you currently value in your life at this moment. If you are on this site clearly you value being a more confident person and having high self esteem.
Take the time to figure out what that actually means to you.
Does it mean having the courage to look for help when you are stuck?
Or maybe you want to boost your low self esteem in general.
Whatever the case is, figure out your values and stick to them no matter the situation. Do not be tempted by the easy route as that only will make you unhappy.
Stay true to yourself and if you don’t like the values you are holding, change them. We are not bound to them forever as we are growing and changing individuals.
Low Self Esteem Can Turn To High Self Esteem
We can deal with low self esteem. I am living proof of that as my journeys have taught me a lot of things about myself. Not only that but I have grown out of my low self esteem tendencies and develop and heighten my high self esteem with every passing day.
All of that is possible from the tactics that I use and these lessons that I learned from my past.
I believe that these lessons as well will help you immensely in your journey for high self esteem and confidence!
To your development!
Eric S Burdon